(ASCEND) Ascend Australia 1-900 support

[tomk@koltai.com]

If you have a major emergency, and your routes are down, don't ring Ascend 
directly on the 1-900 number. That's if you can get the 1-900 from an Ascend 
employee. For example...

dialing (02) 9255-7824

Hello, could you give me the ascend support 1-900 number please....
Yes sir, just moment, I'll get it for you.
Three minutes of hold music.
Yes sir that number is (03) 9656-7000
No I wanted the 1-900 number.
Yes sir, just a minute I'll get it for you.
Hold Music...
(Deja vu, hang-up).

So I ring Telstra information,....

The 1-900 number for Ascend Please.
The number is (03) 9656-7000

OK, I give up.... Dial (03) 9656-7000

"Welcome to Ascend Communications"

Press 1 For Sales or Marketing
Press 2 For Tech Support

	2

"Welcome to the Ascend Asia Pacific Service Centre"

Press 1 for Interim Support Contract Service
Press 2 to Open a non contract service request 

	2
Thank-you for calling the Asia Pacific Service Centre
Please Leave your name number and inquiry after the tone.

Nope, no 1-900 number. 

Ring again....

Go through the prompts, but, this time, using some smarts, press 3 to get an 
operator.
Hello, could I have the 1-900 number for support please.
Yes sir, I'll just put you through to the 1-800 number.
No..... Too late.....
Hello, this is Kelly.
Hi Kelly, Could I have the 1-900 number for support please.

Yes sir, just a minute, that number is 1-902-272363
Thank-you, ring-off, dial number feverishly, (the emergency has now been 
running for twelve minutes. My support staff keep looking at me as if I know 
when Brisbane will be "up" again.

Dial 1-902-272363

Lots of intro, $5.00 per minute, sure press 1 to continue.
And then.... 

Hello this is Kelly.

Oh hi Kelly, I just spoke to you a minute ago, could I speak to an engineer 
please.

I just need a few details first Sir, could I have your name...
Tom Koltai and the company is Geko Internet
Your phone number please sir ? 
"area code 02 92614884" 
and what city is that sir ?

Are you serious ? At five dollars a bloody minute you want me to tell you 
that 02 is Sydney ?

That's when I lost it. I used the F word at least five times to explain that 
Cisco was gunna be my next choice unless she put me through to an engineer 
now.

Yes sir, but you dont need to swear at me....

Music on hold (@ $5.00 per minute) for a few minutes and then,

Hi, this is Lou, how can I help you.

But then comes the biggie. A senior manager of the company then got on the 
phone (my $5.00 per minute mind you) and for ten minutes told me off for 
swearing at his staff. I admitted that it was not a nice thing to do but just 
maybe she should know that 02 was Sydney.
He then tried to explain to me that 02 could be possibly China. And this is 
coming from a senior manager of ascend COMMUNICATIONS. Since when do Telcos 
switch 1-900 internationally ?

My advice when dealing with the Monstrous Bureaucracy that is Ascend 
Melbourne Service Division is firstly, avoid it if you can. Ring a mate or 
another ISP.
However, if you have to indulge in extensively severe masochistic behaviour, 
I suggest that you insulate yourself from the beuracracy as much as possible 
by getting a secretary, or someone level headed to ring the Ascend Melbourne 
number at normal STD rates. Ask for support, ask for a support ticket number, 
give them the answers to the fifteen or so "tracker" questions THEN ring the 
1-900 number.

I don't mind paying for support. I do mind some mindless twit asking me what 
city area code 02 is at %5.00 per minute.

Next time I wish to inflict this much pain on myself, I'll just pop along to 
the Salon Kitty Dungeon. I'm sure it's cheaper than $5.00 per minute for 
someone to tell me off.

Do you Overseas chaps have to contend with the same level of bureaucracy or 
is Australia truly an Island.



--------------------------------------------------
Thomas P. Koltai
Phone: +61-2-9261-4884 Mobile: +61-419-333331
Facimile: +61-2-9267-0230 Email: tomk@koltai.com
222 Sussex Street, Sydney NSW Australia 2000
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